I Cannot Decide

I don't even know what to think anymore.
I have no clue what i want anymore.
Pretty much, i need guidance, because I am sick making decisions.
Can someone else do it for me?
Although, i guess thats the beauty and the curse of being a person living in America.
You get so much freedom.
So many choices, everyday, forty billion more choices to make.
That in the end, each mindless decision has less of an impact.
one looses the ability to make a good decision because each one seems so meaningless.
So when the time comes to make a real decision, I am left clueless.
Utterly lost on what to do, what to think, and what I should choose.
I need to learn, I need to learn how to make a decision.
And my decision?
I think I need some more information to think on, because, like the majority of our population, I am sick of making decisions.
unimportant decisions that have no impact on my life, and on the rest of humanity.
I'm just done.

i love you.

Dear Music,
I love you, you are my whole life at this moment. I don't know how I'd get through my day without you. You're the one thing I can always lean on, a shoulder to cry on, and a hand to hold through it all. It's as if you always know exactly what I'm going through. You sing it before i could even begin to feel it. Sometimes I'm just too stressed to talk and you seem to do all the work for me.You take my worst, and make it seem like I'm alright. That no mater what everything is going to be okay, because you are there for me through it all. Making the heartaches sound like poetry, it all just melts away. They say that you search your whole life to find the one thats right for you, humans mate for life, well, it's not always as easy as that sounds, and you my dear lover are like a journal I don't have to write about the process, and a sentence can't bear to say myself. You know the all the right perfect things to provide me with just enough sanity, always. You know all my secrets, hold all my truths, and yet, never judge me for it. Thank you for always being there to comfort, and provide me with the love I'm not sure i deserve.

I'm so lost.

It seems like everything this year is going completely wrong.
I have issues with
my friends
my grades
my family
just my whole life in general has become completely overwhelming.

I just always feel like I'm doling out advice to others, and don't get me wrong i love to do so, but i feel like, although i can help others make decisions i can't decide whats best for me.
i need guidance, and i don't know who to turn to.

Just for once.
can
life
please
be
easier
?

i need to say this to you.l

alright.
random statements i need to say to people.
anonymous of course but they need out of my head.

1. Your kind of a whore, but you still amazing.
2. I like you more than i had planned, which sucks b/c once again nothing will happen, i think I'll remain optimistic :P
3. I'm glad i don't hate you anymore. You've changed for the better FOR SURE.
4. I never knew i was an inspiration to you, i feel like all along i should've been setting a better example. I'm sorry for being cruel.
5. The world is talking to you, i hope you follow the signs, and i know everything will work out.
   
6. I'm scared, I'll never see you again, which is a very large possibility that i had never realized of what a risk i was at when i said what i said. i wish i could take is ALL back.
7. I don't want you to leave me. I hope we'll stay together for the rest of our lives, i love you girl.
8. Please don't take advantage of my friend, she's rather vulnerable, be noble, lead her in the right direction.
9. I deserve more freedom than you allow.
10. I still wonder what would've happened if I'd been more courageous in 6th grade.
11. I'm attracted to you, but i don't like you. i don't think anyways.
12. i can't take not talking to you.
    

Optimism

Is not easy, it's not just avoiding the bad, or overlooking the evil.
Optimism is...
a whole new point of view.
seeing the bad, and making it good
looking for the silver lining, even in the most dire of situations
choosing to always remain positive.

Now, it's not for everyone. rather optimism is only or a few. But, it's what i live by, and the positive attitude i have and the optimistic people i affiliate with have made me mentally stronger and well, overall happier.

Let there be peace on earth

Unfortunately, there is quite a bit of drama surrounding my life.
i don't know how people would do this daily, it's exhausting.
i like my peace, i love my usually drama free, friends and family.


When i leave this world, i don't want to leave knowing i've inflicted heartbreak and sadness,
I want to be remembered as a peaceful person,
I've started a new thing just around the end of summer, i decided to be as kind as humanly possible to every individual my life comes in contact with. The majority of people have lost all respect for others, and have forgotten the concept of 'turning the other cheek'.
Turning my cheek.
Is just about the HARDEST and the best thing i have ever decided to do. Forgiveness is easy compared to the graviety and weight of being mad and holding a grudge. It beats down on your soul, that grudge begins to control your outlook on life, and the actions one takes.
Being a kinder, genteeler being, does not take much effort, just a change in the way one thinks.
It takes a hello, or a smile at a stranger, or a hug, a bit of small talk to someone usually outcasted in school, not much of your time, not a lot of effort, but you may have just made their day.
cliche? yes, but cliches are used so often because they're true, and have some logic behind them.

So much grief and despair could be avoided if everyone was a peacemaker, if everyone had a friend, if everyone forgave and asked for forgiveness,the world would be a MUCH brighter place.

“As I have said, the first thing is to be honest with yourself. You can never have an impact on society if you have not changed yourself... Great peacemakers are all people of integrity, of honesty, but humility.”
-Nelson Mandela

leave your imprint on someone's life
starting right now
just make sure to leave a positive one.

My challenge to you is to step up,
stop gossiping,
stop creating drama,
stop poking fun at someone elses' expence,
make a difference.
turn your cheek